Befor I met her, I was sad.
as much as i want to muck around and have fun with her, i need to restrain myself from going too far. i’m afraid that ill fall too deep to get out and get hurt.
i’ve been there before, mucking around with her, shoving each other around for fun and all. but back then, i didn’t know what this little warmth was, deep down inside, i would get it every time i see her.
after contemplating for so many years, i’ve come to find the courage to tell her. shes not the type to judge but we tend to misunderstand each other very often.
im only afraid not because that she might feel the same way, its because i’m afraid that she would misunderstand me. i do a lot of things for her out of my own will. i take her shopping, dinner, movies and other things that may suggest to other people that we’re dating. im just afraid that she might rethink everything that we’ve done together. i only do it because i care for her.
i only do it because it makes me happy seeing her happy. i don’t expect anything back. i’m just afraid that she wouldn’t want to associate with me after learning of my feelings.
i keep telling myself why i shouldn’t. but i guess its a case of “you don’t know if you don’t go”.
there are those who you meet and find feelings for, and you voluntarily give it 110% and choose to fall in love.
then there is that one special person above them all, who you meet and don’t expect to find any feelings or give it anything. yet they’re more powerful than anyone else. that one person who just sucks you in entirely. even if they don’t have any intentions or desires, their personality just captivates you. they have the power to trigger your emotions without doing anything. everything just comes naturally. its almost as if she has complete control of my sub-consciousness.
my brain wants to stay friends with her, but my heart is falling in love.
i love it when she does little noobish things. i saw her yesterday, going about our usual things, she says to me “i think theres something wrong with my car heater”. well im a car person and i would probably know whats up. she told me that her heater wasn’t working properly but she felt the heat coming out of the front of the windsreen. i just laughed at her and told her it was a switch.
when we got back to her car, i flipped the switch from windscreen defogger to blow out of the vents. we both laughed at herself. needless to say, i love her laughs. its probably the cutest thing in my life.
i have a thing for girls with a cute, bubbly personality that aren’t afraid of laughing at themselves or does noobish things. however she is just a whole new level. when she does these little noobish things, shes the cutest thing in the world.
i wouldn’t normally call her cute. to describe her, i’d say shes pretty, mesmerizing, elegant, classy, stylish, attractive. she looks like a girl out of glossy fashion mags like vogue or bazaar. it doesn’t happen often, but when she does something nooby, i can feel everything inside me melt. i just want to squeeze her tight and never let go.
i love it when i can surprise her. giving her something that she doesn’t expect and watch that glow in her face shine bright. i wish i could capture that moment and keep it besides me. but moments like these aren’t supposed to be captured. they must remain sacred and only experienced in the moment and cherished as a memory.
and i can’t get enough of it.