i’m dying to tell her my feelings. i don’t know how to approach her to say it. i’ve told other girls that i liked them before so she won’t be the firs that i tell. but she is different. i just can’t bring myself to tell her.
almost every day, i rehearse in my head about the scenario, how to approach her and what to say. but i just can’t find myself doing it. sometimes i would get so close to telling her, something always stops me. sometimes i just happen to look in the wrong direction and see something i didn’t want to see. when that happens, i run. my emotions go all fucked up and i just don’t know what to do. i get confused and i just keep running. but in the end, im only running in a circle, because eventually we will get close again and every time i get close, i get hurt. it might be nothing to her but to me, words cannot explain.
i want to tell her how i feel. i just don’t know how to start it. she is also someone that is very special to me. i say special because i don’t know how else to describe it. bottom line, she is a friend. i wouldn’t say she’s a best friend because shes not, she is more. im happy with how things are between us at the moment. but i’m afraid of what might happen if i do tell her how i feel. she once said to me “i’m sorry, i only see you as a friend, if you can’t accept that then we can’t be friends”, after my ex talked shit to her (at that time it was, but she only assumed).
she isn’t the type to judge, but she keeps to her words and that is what i’m afraid of. what she said was chiseled into me, stone cold. it makes me reluctant to tell her my feelings. there’s no one else i can talk to about it and i can’t even talk to her about it even though i talk to her about my emotions and previous relationships.